I realised my over-sensitivity had caused myself not to trust anyone around me... Maybe some just wanna get close to me, but i actually tot that there's a motive in doing so... Borrow money is the most common motive of all. Maybe i had been conned by friends over the years and thus created a phopia of trusting people, even close friends... I think im sick... I treated my friends with cautions, keeping a certain distance from them, dun dare to get any closer, im scared, im worried... I really dunno how to be a "good friend" of others, thats why all these years, im always the last few on the list that people will ask to join a gathering or outing, maybe due to shortage of people going. Sometimes, i kept quiet over conversations, not because im not sociable, i need to try very hard to listen whats the topic about, my ears are malfunctioning, damaged cause by army daze... live firings, firing blanks, thunder flash went off just beside me... My ears are not working too well... and its getting worse... im only 25 this year... Am i going to train myself on how to read people's lips in future when i totally cant hear a thing?

One's life are meant to have ups and downs, to me, im having more downs than ups... I had used a wrong method to love a person, what i did din made her love me more, but left me earlier... i had never been a good bf, a good son, a good brother, a good friend... and a good buddy... Im just that slow in learning, im not that interesting like some other guys, in fact im a very boring guy to be with...

Im just so emotional... i cant help it... its just me... im born to be this way, and after a few times of getting ditched... true love dun exist in this world anymore... Humans are just using each other...